Najwa Zebian Interview - The Academy Of Self Help

I love how you have both of the titles there you gotta do that promoing gotta do that promoing yeah um let me just they're both they're so similar in the message that they're trying to send I actually uploaded a video this morning about becoming your own home and to me that's such an important part of learning to trust yourself is to see yourself as your own home um because I have always I mean when I wrote welcome home one of the messages that I just I was like if if I want people to walk away with anything this is the thing is you can't build a home within if you don't know who you are because you need to know the person who you're coming home to you need to know the person who you're spending time with you need to know the person and not just know as in who are you and what's your name and where were you born but what

are your triggers what are your patterns of behavior what have you in the past fallen for or notice that this is the way I behave when something happens in my life so to be able to to write trust your heart lead your journey to self-discovery from within really allowed me to just focus on that part of like truly getting to know yourself so that you could say I trust this person I trust myself because I know myself if I don't know myself I don't know who I'm trusting yeah that self-awareness is so key right yeah and they did like you said I saw a lot of similarities between these two books and I feel like they go together really well so let's get in yes um so I don't know if you want to do a quick introduction just like a couple sentences of who you are what your background is and then I have a bunch of questions we could go for hours uh I

won't force you to but we could I have enough questions for it so I'd love to uh just get going with it so for those of you who don't know I was just reading some of the comments but my name is nejwa zabian I'm an author I'm a speaker I'm a poet I'm a teacher by trade but now I teach in the bigger classroom of the world uh I would say my biggest struggle since I was very young was feeling like I didn't belong like I wasn't a priority I like I didn't deserve to be loved the way that I sought everybody around me being loved and being just given so much care and attention and I internalized that to mean that something about me ant that I deserved that um that I deserve to be excluded and that I deserved to just you know be on the margins of life so as you know we grow into adults from

the children that we are it's not like you hit a certain age and you hit a reset button and you're like now I know everything there is to know about life so even into my adulthood I carried that belief that I didn't deserve what I saw everyone around me get and what I needed the most was somebody to truly see me and to Value me and make me feel like I was worthy of love and so when I started writing and so I self-published my first book mind platter who many people will know any person who knows me probably knows night platter that was like the first time in my life that I put out my feelings my thoughts like as raw as they were they were journal entries and I all of a sudden realized that I'm not the only one who feels and thinks this way like this whole time I'm sitting here thinking something's wrong with me for thinking and feeling this

way and then when I put my writings out there people from all over the world were like thank you for putting into words what I've been trying to say for so long so that's what pushed me to continue to write even more um it not just the the freedom and the Liberty that I felt uh when I put my writings out there because it's it's a very vulnerable thing to do to say this is who I am and this is how I think and feel and there's a level of indifference to what people think about you that you gain once you actually put yourself out there like we always have this fear of like what are people gonna think of me and I remember at the time many of the people around me were saying things like those are private things don't put them out there like don't post writings on social media that show your heart and show the way you think and the things that you struggle with or that show any sign of vulnerability but once I was able to

just focus more on the beauty of doing something like that and then seeing the number of people who were like I feel the same way it there's there was no turning back for me I just I got I gave that internal validation to myself by putting the writings out there and then I got also external validation from the people who loved my writings so a few years later and a few books later um I started off writing you know short poetry and prose and the reflections that were in mind platter one thing that I and those around me noticed is that even though some of these writings were super short um there was always like they would make you stop and think and there was a big impact behind them so we were like why not write something in longer format something like a self-development book because that's really what your writings are about

that's what everybody said so welcome home was really the first time that I put something out in that had chapters that had longer stories longer Reflections practical strategies and it was such a huge success that you know to this day it's still doing so well there's so many people from all over the world who are reaching out because of it and then trust your heart also came afterwards as a way for me to guide any person who was having a difficulty truly and genuinely trusting themselves after being heartbroken or after having their trust broken by someone like you know how do I get to a point where I'm able to trust other people again and to me the answer begins with trusting yourself because no amount of trust that you put in other people is going to compensate for the amount of trust that you need to put into yourself because when someone

else breaks your trust or breaks your heart who needs to pick up the pieces you do what we usually do is we rely on the person who broke Us in some way to heal us or to pick up those pieces or we rely on another person to come in and and really prove to us that they deserve our love that they deserve for us to take another chance that they deserve to get our trust but as long as our focus is on the external World we're always going to be a victim to that or a hero of that but it's not for ourselves it's in other people's eyes so trust your heart to me which if anybody's wondering you can get it on script it's the second the first link in my bio um and you can get a 60-day free trial if you would like to read it or listen to it in my voice I narrated it so in trust your heart I really wanted to get any person who reads it or listens

to it to get to a point by the end where they feel like okay I am ready to take this journey and I know the exact steps because I laid it out in steps I know the exact steps to get to a place where I can say I trust myself I know for sure that there is no way to guarantee that someone else isn't going to break my heart there is no way to guarantee that someone else isn't going to break my trust the only guarantee I have is that I can tell myself we can get through this yeah and it's a perfect encapsulation of something we talk about here constantly this idea that I discovered from the stoics this idea of externals and internals right the externals are anything that happens to you like you know someone breaking up with you cheating you know what the weather is whether you get a job or not and uh you know the second part of what you're talking about is the internals you know in those situations what do I do what

how do I go in inwardly and build myself up so it's not affected by the externals or the effect is minimized as much as possible so I love that and I want to get uh we're going to get much deeper into trust your heart because there's so much goodness in it but before I like that you started talking about how you were feeling when you were young because I want you um an interview you did with Ed Millett I think I don't know how to pronounce his last name okay thank you yeah um so you said in that that you started writing at age 13 because you didn't feel like you belonged you said there was an amazing line you said I felt like a zero a nobody invisible and then entrust your heart you wrote that you still have these Vivid memories of being a child and needing to repeat things multiple times before you were even looked at so I'd love to hear a little bit more about that because for me my most inspiring thing is the origin stories so I want to know how to deal with that all inside your head how did you how did you

think about what was going on and then how were you able to overcome and accomplish all the amazing things you've already accomplished so interesting that you asked me about that one moment in particular where I said I have vivid memories of needing to repeat myself more than once before I was looked at because as I was in the studio recording the audiobook for trust your heart that was the part that I had to repeat at least five or six times because of how emotional I got every time I would say it I would start reading it and I would immediately start tearing up and just like start shaking my head because of how painful it was to think of those memories and it's not to say that I'm not healed I mean I don't think you ever truly get to a point where you're like I'm fully healed and that's it because to say I'm fully healed I think probably means that I'm not fully healed but I I believe that

I've done the work of detaching what it means about me that I went through something like that I've done the work where when I am triggered or when I do go through a moment where I'm reminded of those moments I can sit with myself with all the compassion that I need and walk myself through it and that's what I mean by saying I believe I'm fully healed from that is that now I have the tools that when those memories come up I am able to soothe myself through it walk myself through it and at any moment where I get a hint of like well you must have deserved it or wow like that really hurts and how could you get through this you know we all get these we get too stuck on Pains of the past and it's like our ego truly wants us to identify with those memories but I'm at a point where I I truly have developed the internal tools to be able to see a memory like

that and just remind myself that wow like that was really bad and you know I I wish that we could go back to that moment and be able to speak to little you with the compassion that you have for yourself right now and so it's a lot easier to get through those moments but thinking back to them um and having and so and welcome home I discuss the why can't I have that story so I see a lot of people here are saying I have welcome home I have the audio book so I want to make that connection and trust your heart I talked about you know repeating myself more than once before I got someone's attention and what that taught me as a child was if you speak loudly enough you will be heard if you make enough of uh of an effort to get someone to hear you then maybe they will hear you if you try to convince someone of why you deserve to

be heard or looked at then maybe they will so I learned from a young age that I needed to earn being heard and being seen that that I am what I do so my worth is based on how hard I try not based on who I am so so throughout my adult years and this still seeps into my present it really does because you know our bodies remember patterns that maybe our mind has already resolved or has like the trick to it like like really and as well you don't have to work so hard to be heard or to be seen but my body remembers certain patterns that I have to catch myself sometimes and say oops we're falling into that people-pleasing behavior again um so that memory is like that truly made me a walking people pleaser a walking like

what can I do to get your attention what can I do but what it wasn't like what can I do to get your attention in an exaggerated kind of way what can I do to get the basic human needs of just you treating me like a human right so I was like overly doing to be treated with the bare minimum and that's because of memories like that and my childhood experiences like that because that's truly what shapes for us what I'm reading a question here that's truly what shapes for us how we think like I get people sometimes say things like well you're just too stuck on things that happened way too long ago like everybody's gone through stuff in their childhood yeah I do agree everybody's gone through stuff in their childhood but if you don't resolve it like again you don't get to a certain age where a switch happens and you all

of a sudden forget everything you learned from your childhood or you are a growing growing being so those little moments in your childhood become they grow with you they shape for you how you see the world and how you see yourself so if you don't do the work to detangle to like take yourself out of like this means something about me the fact that this happened to me means something about if you don't do that Detachment work then it continues to rule you consciously or subconsciously somebody asked me here how do you know that are you okay with me answering a question yes of course how do you know it's a trigger so obviously for each one of us our triggers are very um specific to our experiences for me I know I'm triggered one of my signs is I start getting shortness of

breath and it reminds me of moments in the past when I was really anxious really stressed out and feeling exactly the same way and so that shortness of breath it's like my body's telling me were being reminded of something that happened in the past like we're being put in a certain kind of danger that we felt in the past or anything if you were to look at your present moment as I actually have the guide printed here so if you were to look at the present moment as this flat line like this is your um when you are fully seen and fully heard this is the peace that you feel when you can be fully yourself when you're not triggered where you're just existing in your authenticity a trigger is anything that's going to bring you down or up like way too much or a little bit from that

state of I can fully be myself I don't need to work hard to please someone I don't need to anything that is giving you the urge to either do something differently or say something differently or snap back into overly negative or overly positive um ways of thinking and feeling to me that symbolizes you are being triggered by something um but you all know it you can tell when you are being triggered because it almost feels like you are stepping outside of yourself so this flat line that I was talking about the peace the authenticity that I don't have to do to deserve this you know to exist as I am anything that's going to so imagine this as a solid line and anything that goes down or up imagine them as dotted lines

like those are truly transient states that you're going to go through you're not gonna stay there all the time it's gonna go up and down up and down but truly what you're aiming for at the end of the day is to be fully yourself so anytime that you feel like you've left yourself a little bit whether it's for something that feels overly great and I know this sounds a little bit um abstract so I'll give you an example um say you're in a relationship with someone and I know many people can relate to this and for example there is complete lack of affection and you have one moment with that person where they give you a big hug out of the blue and that feels so great like that could symbolize the that upwards positive dotted line that I'm talking about and when you really think about it afterwards should it really feel that

great or did it trigger for you that you know older beliefs about maybe I don't deserve that kind of love so when I get a little tiny bit of it I'm going to just be so euphorically happy to me that's also being triggered when you're you're allowing something that external to you to affect you that much yeah I hope that answers your question um I wanted uh to read a little piece from welcome home because I think it uh does I usually am not a big affirmation person uh especially in books I feel like they're very they're often very disconnected like just like a string of platitudes but yours so resonated so deeply it felt like almost like a little short story so I wanted to read that and then maybe uh you give your thoughts on it and where they came from and why it's so important so I'll read here I am the only person in charge of loving

myself this is for anybody who has the book this is Page 81. I'm the only person in charge of loving myself I will see evidence of love throughout my day I am my number one priority I deserve my own love loving myself means being at home with myself my whole power is inside of me today I will answer my own call for love I understand that I might have moments of falling back into Old Habits rooted in self-hate or unworthiness but I promise myself to practice self-love any moment I become aware of my own negative self-talk and that just feels like like that that's you know self-healing uh simplified right there so I'd love to know where that came from and why you think it's such an important you know collection of ideas to instill it yeah this was in the self-love chapter right the affirmations that you just read um I believe yeah yes yes I'm positive it's in the self-love chapter so

to me I began with self-love after talking about building a strong Foundation of self-acceptance and self-awareness to me self-love was so important to begin with because love is one of the first things that we think I need to get it from the outside you know sorry my phone just almost fell over love is one of the first things that I'm gonna go to another person for because it feels so good to receive it from someone it feels good to be chosen especially when you never felt chosen throughout your life it feels good to be given attention when you were made to believe that you don't deserve attention it feels good to just feel that somebody else sees in you what you wish everybody saw in you and one of the saddest realizations I had was that I was expecting people to see things within me that I myself didn't see and let me clarify it's not that I didn't know my worth it's not that I didn't

know that I was a good person I didn't treat myself like I knew and that was such a powerful moment and sad moment for me because I look at love as treatment love is through action it's not just through words and so the affirmations that you normally read where you're like I love myself I this I this it's like you can say that to yourself all you want but if you're not truly putting it into action those are just words so in welcome home I just like I do and trust your heart I pose the question if you love someone how do you show them that love and people will list what they do for that person and then I say well if you love yourself how do you show yourself that love and that's when like that big Revelation happens like oh I just tell myself that I love myself but when it comes to

action I put myself last I always think that being a good person means putting everybody else ahead of me because like subconsciously the reason we do that is we think that if we give enough then we are going to be given back but we have to remember that we are our number one priority not everybody else and then us if we fail to give ourselves then we can't truly say that we've actualized self-love like I'll never tell a person you're lying when you say you love yourself I think any amount of being able to say I love myself is just beautiful and even if you don't like right now as people are watching if you don't feel like you are showing yourself love in action but you can still say I love myself that's beautiful that's progress but let's move towards actually showing that love to ourselves and so those

affirmations came from that place of really wanting the person who's reading these affirmations to transform that these words I love myself from just words to action same and and there's such a power in affirmations and also in questioning ourselves there's as you were reading those affirmations I remember the part and trust your heart that I wrote that was just super powerful and it's about giving yourself closure after somebody has broken your heart or broken your trust and I gave a list of questions and I can read a few of these but um for me the goal has always been with these affirmations and with these questions to go a lot deeper than the surface of of just logic I want the emotion part to be part of it I want the person reading this to have an inner Revolution to have an inner like oh my

God like how how am I still continuing this way when there's so much that I I'm not okay with so if you're okay with it I'm gonna read some of these questions of course so entrust your heart this would be in chapter for anybody who would who's interested it's chapter three learn to rebuild yourself after someone else broke you so here I said giving yourself closure after heartbreak is part of the discovery process so that you can learn to trust within before moving forward being able to narrate the closure yourself increases your validation of your story and Truth which leads to deeper self-conviction and self-trust if this is still a struggle ask yourself the following questions instead of asking the person who hurt you for closure do I want to be with someone who is inconsistent in their love for me in their respect for me and in their prioritization of me do I want to be with someone who weaponizes my pain

against me do I want to be with someone who treats their friends colleagues or anyone out in public better than me do I want to be with someone who breaks their promises do I want to be with someone who says words that don't match their actions do I want to be with someone who takes advantage of me in any kind of way do I want to be with someone who takes every attempt at communication on my part as an invitation to a fight especially after I've expressed over and over that I do not want to fight do I want to be with someone who has character traits that fundamentally changed do I want to be with someone who showed me that they were a certain way as a person and then after things got real changed drastically to the point where I questioned whether I ever really knew them do I want to be with someone who I don't feel safe and secure with as a direct result of their actions do I want to be with someone who consistently minimizes my feelings and undermines my struggles do I want to be with someone

who actively doesn't want to celebrate me or my accomplishments do I want to be with someone who treats me in a way that I wouldn't accept for someone I love do I want to be with someone who isn't sure about me do I want to be with someone who gives more attention to other people of the same gender as mine than they do to me do I want to be with someone who doesn't see me hear me and sit with me in a present way once you go through all these questions and answer each one with no you can be sure that knowing the reason why any of those things happened isn't a requirement for you not to be okay with them so this was one of the most like powerful messages that I wanted people to walk away with after reading trust your heart is looking for why someone behaved a certain way we do that as a way to try to understand like well maybe if I know why they did

what they did I can then decide if if I have the right to be hurt by it or not because if it's not really about me then maybe I shouldn't be hurt by it and I want everybody listening to know that the reason doesn't matter when somebody aims an arrow at you you can't say oh they did it by accident so it doesn't hurt like there's an arrow in your heart you're still gonna have to deal with the pain you have the right to say I am not okay with what happened this hurts and I need to heal from it like I need to honor how I have been impacted by somebody else's actions regardless of what the story is many of us especially in relationships we look for that person's childhood memories we look for that person's like past relationship experiences why is it that they are shutting me out why is it is it that they are minimizing my

feelings why is it that this or that but we're skipping the part where we say this minimization of my feelings hurts and I'm not okay with it this you know treatment where if I'm asking for something or if I'm asking for my needs to be met if I'm being treated as if I'm asking for too much instead of just truly contemplating am I asking for too much like don't skip the part where you give yourself permission to tell yourself these are my needs and I have the right to express them like don't quickly jump to the other person's view hoping that if you can again another thing I talk about in this and trust your heart is don't leave your story to be in someone else's you can see their story you can see where they're coming from you can

see what they've gone through but that doesn't mean that you have to leave your story and what you've gone through and what your intentions are to be in theirs because when you are their story you've left yours now it's all based on them what they think what they feel you have the right to continue walking in your story while still seeing someone else's I always go on big tangents but no I talk but it's uh it's like the idea like on planes where they tell you put your oxygen mask on first otherwise you can't be of service to anybody else exactly I love that and everybody's asking what where those questions were from it's from her new book trust your heart uh your team actually sent me that link so it's the first link in my Lincoln bio it's where you see the yeah the title that's on your phone um yeah so that's what it looks like yeah so if you go to the link in my bio um the very first one says read or

listen to my guide trust your heart and uh when you click on it you actually get a 60-day free trial so you could read it listen to it and have access to all their amazing content um but yeah I wanted to read those questions because to me even writing them myself it was so powerful for me to take all of the questions that I would have had for another person and instead of saying like why did you do this the question was do I want to be with someone who does this it's so powerful like it's such a big shift in perspective shift in thinking because now you're not so focused on the reason that somebody else did something because truly what are you looking for with the reason we're always looking back to confirm what we already believe about ourselves so stop looking for the reason yeah look for whether you're okay with

it look for how it impacted you look for how it hurt you look for am I okay with it or not yeah practicing putting yourself first yes I love that uh I have a lot of um uh passages from uh trust your heart that I'd love to get to unfortunately this first one I didn't write the page down but I loved it it said uh let the pain through let it hurt let it overwhelm you it's not that you are being overly sensitive or dramatic you are sensitive which makes you human you are reacting to a massive pain which also makes you human that heartbreak hurt it broke something inside of you except that break so it can heal if you continue to walk or run with a broken leg the damage will linger and is more likely to leave permanent long-term effects and then last month in their book club we looked at the Power of Now which I felt like this philosophy fits really well with it this idea of just accepting the moment as it is sitting

with it but not allowing it to overwhelm me overwhelm you if you could tell me a little bit more about your perspective of how can we do that and why it's so important yes so this is in chapter one I actually have it highlighted right here too yeah um for me any escape from feeling the pain that's already there that's already knocking on our door it's a lot of times we get the wrong message that being present means not allowing anything to get to you um just you know yes you want to be the Observer you want to be the Watcher you want to be the one who's like oh it's interesting that I'm feeling this pain absolutely but a big requirement of that is that you are sitting with whatever it is that's visiting you you're not allowing it to have power over your your present moment you

are sitting with it as if it's a guest so you're the one with power and taking it back to the analogy of building a home within this feeling this pain this hurt is visiting you you're the one who's able to say come on in let's give you some compassion let's give you some love let's hear you out but there comes a point where I'm going to tell you it's time for you to leave maybe you can visit again tomorrow but I am the one who gets to tell you leave and if we're putting it in Practical terms when I say let the pain through let it hurt let it overwhelm you it's not that you're being overly sensitive or dramatic you're sensitive which makes you human this is a an invitation for you to treat yourself with the compassion that you would treat someone that you truly love if somebody came to you think of your most loved one right now and they came to you and said you know this thing happened today and it really hurt me would you tell that

loved one of yours go away I can't deal with this right now or would you say what do you need from me let me make you a cup of tea let's talk about it tell me what hurt that's what you're doing when I say let the pain through let it hurt is truly sit with the version of you who first experienced that pain and instead of shaming them for having gone through what they went through and it's not when I say you're shaming a past self of yours it's not always using the words I'm so ashamed of you but when you don't allow yourself presently to sit with that past self of yours and hear them out and sit with them in the pain that they're going through you're indirectly saying I just I don't I want you out I so that's shaming that's exclusion so put that put it put the self-compassion into action and say I'm going to sit

with that past version of mine who went through this pain and tell them all the things that I wish someone told me in that moment like don't be so hard on yourself like somebody is breaking your heart right now and that's really painful and I can't imagine what it feels like to be going through something like this but just know that you didn't deserve this know that you were right when you asked for Clarity on this know that so that being present with the pain being present with a past version of yourself who's like knocking on your door saying hey I'm still here I haven't resolved these big feelings that I have that's all part of being present that's all part of sorry my phone keeps wanting to fall that's all part of like telling yourself I forgive myself for my past I don't judge myself for what I went through

back then I forgive myself for doing what I know in the moment I thought was for the best but what now I see wasn't for the best I I understand why past me was so desperate for love and why she accepted this and that like when you do that then you're giving that past version of yours and that pain you're giving them the resolution that they're clearly seeking that they're clearly desperate for so for me that section that we just read is from another so it's chapter one but it's under break the damn of strength within you yeah break the damn of strength that you have within you so I I gave the analogy of like what we are doing when we push the pain away it's like we put a damn in its face and imagine that water that's like the pain that's you know coming up against it and it's creating this intensity it's creating this

resistance and just imagine that damn falling apart and just let the pain flow through you let it peacefully flow through you it's not going to sit with you forever it just it's looking for for you to hear it and see it and validate it and not continue to be ashamed by it and really not continue to be ashamed of yourself yeah that's a great metaphor the water one and uh kind of everything you just said really reminded me of something that um Michael singer of the untethered Soul uh if you've read that one talks about that he tried to kind of lock up his past self he wanted to get rid of the voice in the head and so he locked up himself and it wasn't until years later till he had this uh Epiphany and had this visualization of going into that cage where he locked his past self and kind of giving him a hug taking him by the hand and saying no we're supposed to do this together it wasn't that you're supposed to keep that part away You're supposed to integrate it into your current self and do it together

this journey of life and it was until he did that that everything started to really change yeah I did read his book and I believe that wholeheartedly I I actually uploaded a video the other day um where I said I had a podcast interview and the interviewer asked me um if little you was sitting beside you right now what would she be thinking and feeling and as soon as she asked me that question because I'd never asked myself that question I never imagined that scenario and it just it hit me that little me was looking at me admiring me the way that I used to admire confident women when I would see them when I was younger and it just it brought tears to my eyes like wow I'm at a point where my little me is like it's she's in awe of who I am today that must mean that

like I have her with me everywhere I go you know like I I never thought about it that way but for me it's like she is with me everywhere I go because like as I was answering that question I was like the other day I I went out to the mall and I said I'm taking little nejua on a date like I do stuff like that and also like any time I'm going through any kind of triggering moment or like big overwhelming feelings and decisions that I have to make or go through I'm always aware of how little nejo is feeling in a moment like that and how it is now my responsibility to make sure that she's feeling safe to make sure that she's feeling like she's in good hands like she can trust me you know yeah you're just eager of uh the choice she talks about that a lot about that actually visualize your your little you like actually do stuff with them not just go in there and give them a hug and whatever but really experience

them as being part of you so that's amazing I love that um in chapter four of trust your heart here uh you write about something I thought was super cool when people ask you how are you really and add that really at the end of the sentence you point out that when there's a really there you're much more likely to give an honest answer and so you then turn that around and ask the reader to ask themselves who are you really yes and again it's something that came up in the Power of Now this question of who am I if I'm not my past I'm not my experiences I'm not even my thoughts so what would you say to someone whose answers to those questions is I don't know I don't know who I am if I'm not those things well if you don't know who you are at least that is a level of awareness that you can begin with like we've all gone through so many tough periods in our lives where we feel like we've lost ourselves and we've lost sight of who we are I've gone through that some moments I still go

through that because again you fall into Old patterns and you need it's the awareness so if your answer is I don't know who I am without all of my labels then you can make the decision to start the Journey of self-discovery that's actually what trust your heart is about because if you read the stuff that's in the little heart it says lead your journey to self-discovery from within right yeah so this whole guide is about truly figuring out who you are so if you're at a point where you're like I don't know who I am that's the for like the perfect place to start where you can if I can prompt you right now with something to walk away with begin with writing out all the things that you've defined yourself as up to this point and then answer the question what do you wish people saw within you that's usually gonna give you it's like it's gonna open a door for you to

discover who you are what do I wish people saw about me because that's going those are like the parts of you that you feel hurt that people don't see about you or that you feel like maybe if they saw that they would see me differently so then maybe those are parts of you that truly Define who you are and they need to be embraced by you so I would begin with that um also if it's okay with you for us to do just one more question because I don't have that much time but we can do another Live Another Day too because I feel like there's so many people who joined and I have a little surprise gift for you and I know it's a person and she has to get back to work so I just wanna she doesn't have enough um followers to do uh to come on live with us so I'm just gonna I'm just gonna call her

um okay just give me a second uh I think you'll really enjoy the surprise okay and then we can do uh one last question okay hey Noelle are you there okay this is a friend Noelle from our book club and she has something to share with you that I thought was amazing and I wanted to give her credit for it okay hi Noelle hi thank you so much it's an honor to um see you um thank you will for allowing this opportunity to participate in a conversation um but yeah so first I wanted to say uh Joshua I was inspired by your book um when you vocalized your authenticity and your vulnerability to come forward as your millions of people with your healing Journey that you two identify that you're still in that process of healing and I think that's very powerful because

my purpose I feel I want to empower others to empower them and I felt like an imposter for a while because I too is still continuing on my healing Journey like you said we're not always um heal fully but um what will wanted me to share with you is um I am an educator I work at a high school and I have not only included actually some of your work in my curriculum but I um it definitely got your book inside of our school library access and check out which is really exciting um so much for doing that of course students yesterday and had a prompt question for them to ask their peer how they can build a home within themselves and how they validate themselves and it prompts a lot of great conversation and I just really appreciate your work so thank you so much for everything that you're doing thank you for doing all of that and seriously like I I don't even

know what to say because it just makes my heart so happy and just I it makes me emotional like to see that my words have reached that many people and that you find there's value in your students reading my work and to the point where you put it in your curriculum like thank you so much for doing that it I'm definitely going to remember this moment forever so thank you thank you Noel I really thank you so much it's an honor to meet you on here oh same I will get your info right after this and I'm gonna send you a message oh wonderful right it was really wonderful to meet you thank you thank you Noel thank you for doing that I love that yeah she's amazing she she's put your book in there and now these high school students you know for years to come are gonna have access to it and what a better time in life to to learn these

ideas so I just love that um so you're the last question I have uh because you know almost selfishly I want to get this in here so I regularly come get people coming in here during my live streams saying that they're heartbroken from a recent relationships uh relationship that they can't get over it and then asking me for advice and then I usually just tell them to go read welcome home but I'd love if you could give your answer to that question for anyone out here in the audience who might be going through it and just for me to to know what your answer is in the future so I could Echo that how they could get over heartbreak so again this is why I wrote trust your heart because it's about discovering yourself through the Heartbreak and discovering yourself beyond the Heartbreak so I broke this guide down into um talking about how you can take that relationship that broke you in

some way and take it as an opportunity to learn about yourself and to learn about all the moments that your gut actually told you something's wrong here there was a red flag but that you allowed your trust for them or your hope for what that could come of the relationship to override what you knew was right for yourself um so that's self-discovery through the Heartbreak and then self-discovery beyond the Heartbreak is the part where your life who am I without that relationship who am I without all of these labels like who am I on you know that that level of who are you really truthfully who are you without your age without your gender without where you come from without the languages you speak how much money you make how much effort you put into other people's lives can you come in touch with the essence of that so for any person who comes to you and says how do I get over this heartbreak I say get

through the Heartbreak because getting over and I know people mean like how do I get through this time but give them that um I I don't want anybody to ever think they're gonna get an answer that's like oh I'm fully healed and now I'm it's hard work to get over a heartbreak it's hard work to get through a heartbreak you have to sit and have an honest conversation with yourself in the mirror what went wrong why am I hurting right now why am I judging myself so much for going through something like that why am I feeling hopeless about the future why am I feeling like I don't deserve love why am I feeling like you know there is just no way to get through this like sit down and have a conversation with yourself as if you're having a conversation with someone that you truly and deeply care about because when you do that you're already getting through it you're already healing but when you're so fixated on I

want this to go away how do I get over it it's going to continue to control you what you resist persists and you want to be at a point where there's that flow in your life not that resistance so get through it by coming back to yourself by coming back to who you are by going back to all the moments when your body actually showed you that it knew that you were in the wrong place and apologized to that past self of yours by saying I apologize for not listening to you I apologize for trusting someone else over trusting you and moving forward I will trust my feelings and my thoughts and my judgments over anyone else's especially when those two things come at odds I know that I said I have to go and I do but there's one thing that I want to mention is in this guide I actually talk about gaslighting and when I talked about gaslighting I talked about how it

really is like it's it's not a person's fault to go through it but what happens when somebody gaslights you is you go through that moment of like whose judgment do I trust whose recollection do I trust who's and at some point whether it's subconscious or conscious we make a decision to trust someone else over trusting ourselves so get to a point where you learn about all those moments when you trusting yourself and trusting someone else came at odds with each other and instead of trusting yourself you chose to trust someone else like going through all of that will not only help you get over a relationship it will help you build a relationship with yourself that there is absolutely no way you could get into the same relationship you got into before because now you're a grown version of who you were in the

past who's a lot more mature who knows who they are and who will never allow another person to like write over their narrative who will never allow another person to have more importance in their life than their own yeah that's that's what I would say that's a great answer and just use the opportunity to to continue evolving it sounds like yes I love that uh okay thank you so much for being here I'd love to do this again anytime you're free please uh let me know I have so much more I want to talk about trust your heart if you guys want to read it uh in Nashville's Link in BIO there's a link to it you can get access to it for 60 days first link in 60 days free um so you could read her book and then I don't know if any of your other writing is on there yet on script but if not there's lots of other content on there and then welcome home is everywhere uh Amazon or your bookstore or wherever yes

yes and uh follow her on social media same name I think across all platforms yes another time where we just answer everybody's questions I would love to do that and amazing we do uh as part of our book club we do a lot of Clubhouse chats so I'd love if you came with us one of these days and everybody could have a big conversation together I think that would be lovely yes I would love to we can text about it awesome thank you again thank you so much that was amazing amazing how do I turn this off here there we go wow that was uh definitely worth the wait that was so good

did you guys uh did everybody enjoy that sorry I was you guys know me I can't really um interact with chat uh when I'm trying to pay attention what what one one activity mined here a simple mind uh so I didn't get to keep up with the chat so much but the little bits that I did see uh seemed like everybody was enjoying it you're so welcome Noel yeah I'll talk to you privately that was awesome and I'll share your information with uh nejua yeah the new book is trust your heart it's on Scribd only it's digital and audio version only um the same link is in my bio and her bio so whichever one you use it's exactly the same and like she said you get 60 days free of Scribd so that's to read her book or to listen to it if you prefer audiobook and then everything else that that platform has to offer so I highly recommend it I read trust your heart in two sittings I just it was

so good it just definitely a page Turner you just want to consume more and more so it was wonderful definitely recommend it and yes I will repost this uh well I assume it's it's recorded by Tick Tock usually Tick Tock automatically records these and when you can download it later I've never done it as a um whatever it's called The Duo thing so I assume it's the same if it is then I will repost it on my YouTube which I believe is maybe Linked In My Lincoln bio let me just check that if not it's the same name everywhere yeah so if you go to my Lincoln bio it'll bring you here so that it's the read trust your heart for free you can do that via the first link down below here is my YouTube I Believe yes that leads to the YouTube so you can find that there and for anybody who's new here thanks

for hanging out um this all came about as part of our book club right now in our book club we're reading Atomic habits last month we read Eckhart Tolle tolles The Power of Now next month will likely be reading untethered Soul so if you want to find out more about that just click the second link below najwa's link there the self-healing book club and you can get access for the next two weeks for a buck and so come join us this is just the first of what I hope will be many uh wonderful activities like us